chrono jotter thots
Jan. 13th, 2025 10:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaybeeSo I’ve been playing the Chrono Jotter. It's a Chinese yuri visual novel that's about a girl with a real messed up brain. I like it a lot. It wastes no time in such a beautiful way. Everything’s wrong from minute one.
Ran Ibuki wakes up with amnesia (pretty standard). But this is not your bog-standard anime protagonist amnesia. She is a beautiful girl with disorders. schizophrenia and bipolar disorder that have gone untreated for years because her main caretaker was also her girlfriend- Ann Sakura- that went missing four years back. This is; rough. You are immediately greeted by the most core mechanic to both the games conceit and Ran's selfhood; a notebook. Within it, she writes everything. Everything she learns, knows, thinks, and feels- because after particularly bad episodes it's all she's got to base her identity off. It’s the titular chrono jotter due to literally being the only stable thing grounding her in time. Her memories, feelings, and senses will all lie and harm her, but the book is something she can trust.
So, she walks around, jotting things down- you decide some basic stats for her through mental exercises that let you yoink different scenes out of the upcoming novel. And she has a breakdown before you've taken two steps. She hallucinates things leering and hungry for her. And she stabilizes herself in the only way she can grasp without a partner, medication, or any familiarity to ground herself- by eating a page of the book that is, in her mind, adjacent to her missing girlfriend. It works. The hallucinations fade, she can breathe again, but she's a page shorter in the book that's her lifeline. At this point in time, it's unclear if this is pure placebo or an actual cure.
Ran Ibuki and the things wrong with her are the core of the game, because it has nothing but love for her and how she's treated (and how she thinks she's treated). Characters will say things that cause her to lash out and break down over and over again- and every time she's overwhelmed by the worst feelings afterwards, of being side-eyed and whispered about and excluded from this strange school and the even stranger students she's found herself among. Even if this new setting is kinder to her than she's used to. Ran's life, to her, was defined by other people and how much they despised her, until she was able to find the singular person that didn't, who loved her instead. We find this isn't true. Ran had several important people who loved her in her life in a variety of ways. She wasn’t bullied in school (aside from for her race, which is an afterthought to her against the 'real' slights she perceives- which is also a lot to unpack) and was mostly left alone. Her psychosis was the source of every rumor and cruelty against her, and the bitterness she directed outwards wasn't ever matched by anyone around her. This doesn't invalidate Ran's suffering, to this story. The harm was real, even if the source wasn't 'real' as we'd consider it. This becomes a core theme of the game.
Ran's disorders are discovered- one of the girls in school literally quotes entries from a book of psychological disorders, which results in Ran screaming and sobbing in misery. Both for being acknowledged as being 'unwell' and someone who was beginning to be considered a friend spilling forth the most worthless things to hear. She should be medicated, the things she experiences aren't real, and she needs to be cared for. Ran's shouting objections in the group bath are that it's real for her. It's all real, and hurts, and makes her miserable. Being told it's not doesn't fix her or help her in any way. Her only solace was a girl who saw something in her- and something with her.
Almost as an afterthought, a few hours in, you get an offhanded line from ran about some unusual 'cases' she dealt with earlier in her life she recalls (not Recalls, which is something else fun you can do with the notebook). You get an entry in the jotter- and unceremoniously find out that magic is real. Horrific creatures, relics, and locations inhabit the world and Ran is an old hand at dealing with them. At first, discovering this from Ann in the flashback brings her joy. She's not insane- a glimmer of 'normalcy' becomes a way out. But Ann crashes her back to reality. Magic is real, and Ran is still schizophrenic. She still sees things that aren't there for anyone else, and there's no solace or peace. The most difficult thing, the worst possible thing for Ran's psychosis and identity: the horrors haunting her aren't all in her head. Some things that are real to other people want to hurt her.
Ann (yes, she shows up) at one point brings up something important – Ran is fragile. Her psyche and sense of self is always brittle and on the edge, and the best thing for her is to avoid new people, stick to and consistently see people familiar to her, and take solace in routine and repetition. Even then, going to school on the regular was beyond Ran, and her ability to be there continued to degrade even with Ann’s assistance.
So, a school that's a weird bridge between comfort (everything is in Chinese-Ran's native language- and everyone speaks it) and unsettling (they're all Japanese schoolgirls and seem unable to comprehend when Ran speaks to them in Japanese) is exactly the opposite of what Ran needs. She has no medications lovingly pressed between her unwilling lips by her partner and no true understanding of the world she's found herself in. And so; psychotic break galore.
Overall, the journey of this novel isn’t about Ran finding independence, or a way to exist without struggle or relying on her loved one’s touch to push away hallucinations- it’s just about caring less about other people. Ran starts out jagged and harsh, rejecting everyone who approaches her- but can’t stop thinking about what they think of her, of how they’re reacting and whispering or fucking with her. Ran needs ritual and romance to persist but these things also push her to the edge because of the horrors spinning around her head. I think the games finale and answer to this struggle is incredible. Ran’s doing her best every day, with a routine that is probably going to kill her, because it’s all she’s got.
It’s very special. I like the game a lot. Seven hours for twelve bucks. A bargain. You oughtta check it out.
Ran Ibuki wakes up with amnesia (pretty standard). But this is not your bog-standard anime protagonist amnesia. She is a beautiful girl with disorders. schizophrenia and bipolar disorder that have gone untreated for years because her main caretaker was also her girlfriend- Ann Sakura- that went missing four years back. This is; rough. You are immediately greeted by the most core mechanic to both the games conceit and Ran's selfhood; a notebook. Within it, she writes everything. Everything she learns, knows, thinks, and feels- because after particularly bad episodes it's all she's got to base her identity off. It’s the titular chrono jotter due to literally being the only stable thing grounding her in time. Her memories, feelings, and senses will all lie and harm her, but the book is something she can trust.
So, she walks around, jotting things down- you decide some basic stats for her through mental exercises that let you yoink different scenes out of the upcoming novel. And she has a breakdown before you've taken two steps. She hallucinates things leering and hungry for her. And she stabilizes herself in the only way she can grasp without a partner, medication, or any familiarity to ground herself- by eating a page of the book that is, in her mind, adjacent to her missing girlfriend. It works. The hallucinations fade, she can breathe again, but she's a page shorter in the book that's her lifeline. At this point in time, it's unclear if this is pure placebo or an actual cure.
Ran Ibuki and the things wrong with her are the core of the game, because it has nothing but love for her and how she's treated (and how she thinks she's treated). Characters will say things that cause her to lash out and break down over and over again- and every time she's overwhelmed by the worst feelings afterwards, of being side-eyed and whispered about and excluded from this strange school and the even stranger students she's found herself among. Even if this new setting is kinder to her than she's used to. Ran's life, to her, was defined by other people and how much they despised her, until she was able to find the singular person that didn't, who loved her instead. We find this isn't true. Ran had several important people who loved her in her life in a variety of ways. She wasn’t bullied in school (aside from for her race, which is an afterthought to her against the 'real' slights she perceives- which is also a lot to unpack) and was mostly left alone. Her psychosis was the source of every rumor and cruelty against her, and the bitterness she directed outwards wasn't ever matched by anyone around her. This doesn't invalidate Ran's suffering, to this story. The harm was real, even if the source wasn't 'real' as we'd consider it. This becomes a core theme of the game.
Ran's disorders are discovered- one of the girls in school literally quotes entries from a book of psychological disorders, which results in Ran screaming and sobbing in misery. Both for being acknowledged as being 'unwell' and someone who was beginning to be considered a friend spilling forth the most worthless things to hear. She should be medicated, the things she experiences aren't real, and she needs to be cared for. Ran's shouting objections in the group bath are that it's real for her. It's all real, and hurts, and makes her miserable. Being told it's not doesn't fix her or help her in any way. Her only solace was a girl who saw something in her- and something with her.
Almost as an afterthought, a few hours in, you get an offhanded line from ran about some unusual 'cases' she dealt with earlier in her life she recalls (not Recalls, which is something else fun you can do with the notebook). You get an entry in the jotter- and unceremoniously find out that magic is real. Horrific creatures, relics, and locations inhabit the world and Ran is an old hand at dealing with them. At first, discovering this from Ann in the flashback brings her joy. She's not insane- a glimmer of 'normalcy' becomes a way out. But Ann crashes her back to reality. Magic is real, and Ran is still schizophrenic. She still sees things that aren't there for anyone else, and there's no solace or peace. The most difficult thing, the worst possible thing for Ran's psychosis and identity: the horrors haunting her aren't all in her head. Some things that are real to other people want to hurt her.
Ann (yes, she shows up) at one point brings up something important – Ran is fragile. Her psyche and sense of self is always brittle and on the edge, and the best thing for her is to avoid new people, stick to and consistently see people familiar to her, and take solace in routine and repetition. Even then, going to school on the regular was beyond Ran, and her ability to be there continued to degrade even with Ann’s assistance.
So, a school that's a weird bridge between comfort (everything is in Chinese-Ran's native language- and everyone speaks it) and unsettling (they're all Japanese schoolgirls and seem unable to comprehend when Ran speaks to them in Japanese) is exactly the opposite of what Ran needs. She has no medications lovingly pressed between her unwilling lips by her partner and no true understanding of the world she's found herself in. And so; psychotic break galore.
Overall, the journey of this novel isn’t about Ran finding independence, or a way to exist without struggle or relying on her loved one’s touch to push away hallucinations- it’s just about caring less about other people. Ran starts out jagged and harsh, rejecting everyone who approaches her- but can’t stop thinking about what they think of her, of how they’re reacting and whispering or fucking with her. Ran needs ritual and romance to persist but these things also push her to the edge because of the horrors spinning around her head. I think the games finale and answer to this struggle is incredible. Ran’s doing her best every day, with a routine that is probably going to kill her, because it’s all she’s got.
It’s very special. I like the game a lot. Seven hours for twelve bucks. A bargain. You oughtta check it out.
